What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 02.07.2025 12:32

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

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I write beautiful poetry .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

How can I be the smartest human on Earth?

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I was very sick at this time too.

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This is soul school!.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I want to be a well-rounded person. What should I do?

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

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And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

As i do to all so called friends.?

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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I said to her

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

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Put me off passion for life!!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

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I had hoped to write a book about this .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

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I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Why are girls supposed to have a stereotypical "hourglass" body shape, and why if you dont have an "hourglass" body shape you get treated differently? It doesnt make any sense to me.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Ive learnt so much.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

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Thats was my nicest nick name for him

He resisted the act ,that day.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

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I was 9 years of age.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

But it wasn’t much.

I will be 64.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My family never makes their pension either.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

One cannot live in the past .

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Comes on , in middle age.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I was seconnd youngest,

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

He knew the spot.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I think the readers, may guess!

So, i spoilt her more .

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Would this be the day?

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Was to survive, this bastard.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I never cut or harmed myself..

Especially a lifetime of it.

But ive been too sick for many years..

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

What did i know ?

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

She loved him until the end.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

She wouldn,t have been !

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I waited trembling.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I know ,a lot about trauma.

It was going to be , some day.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

She was in good health!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

And i lived it daily.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

We were not on the streets..

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I could never make a relationship work though!

(And it was in our own minds.)

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Why did i forgive my father ?

On the 31st of Jan this month .

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

So whats the point in blame.

She found it foreign!.

Who then, do I blame.?

My life is so biszare .

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I don,t even have a pension.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

All the time i was locked up.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

We all went to grammer schools

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

When she asked me how she looked .

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

But, we were locked up after school.

She married twice! .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I have no regrets .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I was scared of men, in general

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Im still living with it.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.